my henry. my TWO YEAR OLD.

HAPPY.HAPPY.HAPPY birthday, my little man, my 2nd amazing, my fun adventurer, my henry.
i simply cannot even believe that you are TWO YEARS OLD today...

i remember seeing your face for the first time---i was so.incredibly.in.crazy.love with you...even though you were screaming--all the time...and the 2nd day you were in our lives, i think it can, to this point, be considered one of the.most.difficult.24.hours.of my life.
i don't think there were more than 2 seconds that you were not screaming at the top of your lungs...and i was helpless to make anything better and that broke.my.heart.

you continued crying for the majority of your life---probably about 85% of the day---up until recently, praise god! that is behind us!! {with the random exception of the night time screaming}

you have become such a fun spirit that i LOVE being around!!
i simply cannot get enough of you---of your laugh, your handsome face, the way you have to run laps around the house every.single.time after you eat, how you never tire of me reading you your favorite book, how you always say, "hold me mommy. hold me." your love of music & dancing, how you grunt when you get frustrated, your love of being a big helper, basically, i LOVE everything about you.

you are my 2nd amazing.
you are my henry.
i could not be more in love with you.
and like i say to you & your brothers many times throughout the day,
i love you.
i'm proud of you.
you are amazing.
you make my heart happy.
i am so happy i get to be your mommy.
i have waited for you my whole life.

xoxoxo

{now, a funny side story...
i am one of those silly moms that remembers pretty much every.single.detail about my three amazings and if i question if i will absolutely, positively remember it, i write it down...
well, i OF COURSE remembered what my jake was wearing on the day he turned TWO :) and so would have planned on putting henry in the same shirt...but, the FUNNY thing is that sean got him dressed today & just happened {unless my hubbie is foolishly sentimental like me, which i am pretty sure, he isn't & it was just pure coincidence}
to put him in the exact.same.shirt that jake wore...}

be.still.my.happy.heart.

how.did.this.happen?

{jake at 1 week}

how is it possible, that my first amazing, my sweet jake, is starting pre-school tomorrow?
how is it possible that my little man, who i remember the exact moment i found out i was preggers with him, is now 3 1/2 years old and i will be driving to his first day of school tomorrow?
how.did.this.happen?
anyone who knows anything about me, knows that i don't want him to go.
i don't want to drive him to school tomorrow morning.
i don't want this day that i have been dreading for about 1 1/2 months now, to actually be here.
i don't want to be without him for 5 hours every week.
BUT, i also know that this is the best thing for him.
jake is so ready for this.
he is so ready to head out with his backpack on and walk towards new adventures...

{here's to this mommy keeping her sobs quiet enough on the way home, so my henry & william don't hear me...}

how.did.this.happen?

{me & my first amazing at 6 weeks}

sometimes, something that may be good for one of our tiny amazings, may not be so good for us...
like sending said tiny amazing to preschool.
one word can describe my feelings about this---sad.
but, as any good mommy does, it's called 'it's not about me. it's about them.'
if it were about me, i would keep my jake home with me until next september.
but, since this is about my jake, we will send him in december. {tear.sniff.tear}
this little man of ours is ready.
mommy, not so much.
but then again, i don't think i will ever really feel "ready."

my only question....how.did.this.happen?

9 month stats

{william}
weight: 18.2 lbs
height: 2 feet 5 1/2 inches

{henry}
weight: 21 lbs
height: 2 feet 5 inches

{jake}
weight: 16 lbs 6 oz
height: 2 feet 3 1/2 inches

time.stand.still.

saturday park fun.

four of my favorites.
loves.of.my.life.

my henry & his big boy bed.

{our little man just chilling on his chair before the big night}

{listening to his sweet older brother give him some important advice..."henry, you stay in your bed. don't get up and do not bounce in your big boy bed."}

{pahleeze, mommy. i am so ready for this...}

{so excited to be a big kid like his brother}

{saying good-night to his daddy}

{and in older brother fashion...} ;)

{jake's first night in his bog boy bed}

{notice i put my henry in the same jammers that jake wore his first night in his big boy bed} :)

cannot wait to post some pictures of this little amazing's new big boy room.
one word...perfection.

a mother's heart.

a mommy's heart...
is something that is...very complicated.
it seems as though it is constantly pulled & tugged in different directions, but at the same time, it is as if it is only ever focused on one thing...taking care of others' precious little hearts...the hearts of our tiny amazings.

it is easy to lose who we are {aside from being a mommy} in the dailiness of doing this.
with 3 little ones who declare that our day will start at 4:30 a.m., when my hubbie leaves for work at 6:30 a.m. and doesn't come home til around 5:45 p.m., with 3 little amazings who are constantly up throughout the night, i feel as though i am constantly in "mommy mode." i start the day, when really, the day before it never ended.
it is as though at this point, i am no longer andrea...i am simply jake, henry, & william's mommy...and that is perfectly ok...to a certain degree, i feel as though this is how it is supposed to be...

i think the one word to describe me during this season of life, is exhausted.
maybe 3 words---utterly.completely.exhausted.

i was reading another mommy's blog and stumbled on this quote---"...as a mom, I have thought that admitting to weariness was admitting to weakness. I felt like I had failed the God who graced me with each of our blessings. my heart cried out. There are other moms walking this road. It isn't easy, but there is HOPE. God called me to this path of motherhood, and He will lead me along the straight paths."

that first sentence was exactly how i had felt & perfectly described what i had thought...weariness = weakness. if i am weary in this season of life, i am weak.
i think that is the one word that is most offensive to me.
for me, that would be the biggest insult anyone could every say to me...that i am weak.
call me any other name you can think of...it won't affect me.
call me weak...i am broken {and intensely offended and angry}

i think i am learning that i cannot simply be responsible to care for the precious hearts of my 3 amazings, and completely ignore caring for my own heart {and my incredible hubbie's heart} but how does a mommy do that, when there are really no moments in the day to do that?

being a mommy is such a blessing.
it is such an incredible gift.
..and at the same time, it is such an intense responsibility.
we are given these lives to take care of.
we are given these precious hearts to nurture and to love and to encourage.
we are responsible to train them. to teach them.
i don't know a more intense responsibility.
when thinking about this, how can one not be weary at times?

i cling to the beautiful moments i get throughout the day with each amazing...
the times when i am laughing hysterically with my jake.
the times when i have my henry sitting on my lap as i read him book after book.
the times when william just clings to me & i get to snuggle & squish him.
the moments when i know they finally understand what i have been trying to teach them.
those moments when the 4 of us are being so silly & foolish.
these are the moments god gives us throughout our day.
moments when one can be nothing but thankful.

...here's to all us mommys having a lot of those throughout our day today.