a mother's heart.

a mommy's heart...
is something that is...very complicated.
it seems as though it is constantly pulled & tugged in different directions, but at the same time, it is as if it is only ever focused on one thing...taking care of others' precious little hearts...the hearts of our tiny amazings.

it is easy to lose who we are {aside from being a mommy} in the dailiness of doing this.
with 3 little ones who declare that our day will start at 4:30 a.m., when my hubbie leaves for work at 6:30 a.m. and doesn't come home til around 5:45 p.m., with 3 little amazings who are constantly up throughout the night, i feel as though i am constantly in "mommy mode." i start the day, when really, the day before it never ended.
it is as though at this point, i am no longer andrea...i am simply jake, henry, & william's mommy...and that is perfectly ok...to a certain degree, i feel as though this is how it is supposed to be...

i think the one word to describe me during this season of life, is exhausted.
maybe 3 words---utterly.completely.exhausted.

i was reading another mommy's blog and stumbled on this quote---"...as a mom, I have thought that admitting to weariness was admitting to weakness. I felt like I had failed the God who graced me with each of our blessings. my heart cried out. There are other moms walking this road. It isn't easy, but there is HOPE. God called me to this path of motherhood, and He will lead me along the straight paths."

that first sentence was exactly how i had felt & perfectly described what i had thought...weariness = weakness. if i am weary in this season of life, i am weak.
i think that is the one word that is most offensive to me.
for me, that would be the biggest insult anyone could every say to me...that i am weak.
call me any other name you can think of...it won't affect me.
call me weak...i am broken {and intensely offended and angry}

i think i am learning that i cannot simply be responsible to care for the precious hearts of my 3 amazings, and completely ignore caring for my own heart {and my incredible hubbie's heart} but how does a mommy do that, when there are really no moments in the day to do that?

being a mommy is such a blessing.
it is such an incredible gift.
..and at the same time, it is such an intense responsibility.
we are given these lives to take care of.
we are given these precious hearts to nurture and to love and to encourage.
we are responsible to train them. to teach them.
i don't know a more intense responsibility.
when thinking about this, how can one not be weary at times?

i cling to the beautiful moments i get throughout the day with each amazing...
the times when i am laughing hysterically with my jake.
the times when i have my henry sitting on my lap as i read him book after book.
the times when william just clings to me & i get to snuggle & squish him.
the moments when i know they finally understand what i have been trying to teach them.
those moments when the 4 of us are being so silly & foolish.
these are the moments god gives us throughout our day.
moments when one can be nothing but thankful.

...here's to all us mommys having a lot of those throughout our day today.