thoughts from a mommy...

let me just be honest to say it...some.days.i.struggle.
there it is.
truth.written.

let me explain....
i don't struggle with feeling as though i do not exist from 7:30 am - 6:30 pm while sean is at work and i'm home with my 3 amazings...essentially, i don't exist.
it doesn't matter if i'm hungry.
it doesn't matter if i have a killer headache.
it doesn't matter if i want to sit at my computer and have fun on my design program.
it doesn't matter if i would like to engross myself in a book.
it doesn't matter if i'm exhausted after being up 5 times throughout the night.
my 3 boys don't care about any of that.
during those times, i don't really matter and i am more than ok with that.

i don't struggle with serving my 3 amazings all day.
that's my job.
i am here to serve them.
i am here to teach them.
i am here to discipline them.
i am here to enjoy them.
that is every mommy's job.

i don't struggle with being up to my elbows in diapers and dirty tiny hineys.
that is the place i am at in life with these precious little lives and i am perfectly ok with that.

i don't struggle with having to bring my trio of boys all upstairs in shifts and walking up & down the stairs a million times a day with the 3 of them in tow.
{let's be even a bit more honest...i need the exercise.}

BUT, here's what i do struggle with...
i struggle with hating the way i look.
i struggle with getting a teeny tiny bit frustrated when i can't shower in the morning.
i struggle with getting a teeny tiny bit upset that i don't have the time to put a bit of make-up on.
i struggle with getting a teeny tiny bit grossed out by the fact that i pretty much wear yoga pants every.single.day.
i struggle with the fact that i still have 12 stupid.ugly pounds to lose.
i struggle that i no longer have the time to make myself look nice before my sean gets home from work...it's a good day, if i don't have stains all over my clothes from the day or dried spit up somewhere on my face...i wouldn't know about it, because i never.look.in.the.mirror.
i struggle that i cannot be exactly what each amazing wants me to be in the exact moment that they want it.

but you know what i am learning and trying to embrace?...my three amazing boys don't care about any of that.
they don't care if mommy looks frazzled.
they don't care if mommy isn't wearing high-heels.
they don't care if my face doesn't have one bit of make-up on it.
they don't care if i have crusty spit up on my shoulder.
they don't care if i am not as thin as i use to be.
none.of.that.matters.to.them.
the only things that matter in their worlds every.single.day from 7:30 am-6:30pm when they are with their mommy, is that they feel loved.
that they feel special.
that they feel safe.
that their needs are taken care of.
that they have fun.
that's all.
nothing more.

i will embrace these years.
i will embrace everything that these years entail.
they are fleeting.
and i will continue to look forward to the weekends when i can actually shower in the morning, put make-up on, blow dry & style my hair, wear jeans & a nice shirt, & even
be wild & crazy enough to put on a necklace ;)

after all, what's more important?....mommy stealing time away from these amazings of mine, or clinging to each moment that i get to spend with them?
i would much rather have an extra 12 lbs on and have my boys look back at their lives with me as their mommy and remember all the fun things we did together.
remember those times when we acted crazy silly.
remember those times when we would run around the house acting like crazy scary animals.
remember all the creations we made together.
remember chasing each other around the house.

this.is.all.that.matters.